dum de dum
I want to go back to TN, but at the same time I don't. I'm getting antsy I guess because I know it's almost time; I miss my apt, I want to get things all settled and rearranged, and go out looking for a new couch. I don't want to start back to work and school and not have my mom around all the time. Going back means I have to seriously start thinking about what's going to happen in May, and seriously looking for internships and shit. Ugh. Can't it all just fall into my lap? I don't want to grow up and be in the real world!!!
hm.... what else what else? I've been in a very blah mood lately. I imagine cuz I'm sick & still catching up on sleep from visiting Katherine.
Oh, I know. I got a massage today.. holy moly, I'm still feeling a little like a pile of mush. I wish they didn't have to end so soon. I could have laid there for another 3 hours. I still have a knot in my shoulder area though, I don't know what I did to it. I guess going back to the gym after not working out the whole time I was in York. Ow.
I need a boy. Not a relationship, just a fun boy to have a "thing" with. Nothing deep and meaningful, cuz I don't think I really need that right now. I don't want anything interfering with my decision of where to end up when I'm done with school. I've let than influence me before, and I don't care to do it again. But, I just miss having someone to snuggle with and kiss & hug. Ya know?! Someone just needs to appear out of thin air. "Poof- here's your boy with no stirings attached!" :-P Wouldn't that be nice. As Katherine puts it "I want to fall in love", to remember that feeling. I do want that, especially in light of so many people recently getting engaged or planning weddings, but I don't think I can yet allow myself to do that again. I think I need to have something silly and short term first. Cuz everyonce in a while, it still hurts. Not wanting David back, but missing that amazing feeling of how things were a long time ago. And how everything seemed perfect because you had someone that was so enamored with you. I have no romantic feelings left towards him, but I'm wondering if talking to him and seeing him is making me think like this, or it's just something that will always pop up randomly. Or maybe it's the fact that he's falling right back in with his girlfriend from HS, that he has decided is the best thing since sliced bread and that he was the dumbest person ever to let her go. I guess perhaps that's pissing me off, because he treats me like shit and then turns around and gets exactly what he wants. It's not quite fair, is it? It seems like I should be the one getting exactly what I want, since he was the ass. But then, I realize that I wanted things to end too, it's just easier to blame him beacuse he forced the issue. I think maybe thinking about going back to TN has got me thinking all this too; remembering this time last year- going to David's new house, spending a few days secluded there before classes started. I imagine each "milestone" until next summer will remind me of things and re-open some of the hurt. blargh.
And, speaking of boys. Not another peep from Justin. I spose I could email him or something, but I just don't care about it that much while I'm home. I don't think I will that much once I'm back in TN either, until I happen to hang out with him & Mike & Robin. And even then, I'm just going to act aloof, let him come to me if that's what he wants.
And, on that note, I have to leave to go pick up Alice to go romp around the mall and other fun places in W-S.
hm.... what else what else? I've been in a very blah mood lately. I imagine cuz I'm sick & still catching up on sleep from visiting Katherine.
Oh, I know. I got a massage today.. holy moly, I'm still feeling a little like a pile of mush. I wish they didn't have to end so soon. I could have laid there for another 3 hours. I still have a knot in my shoulder area though, I don't know what I did to it. I guess going back to the gym after not working out the whole time I was in York. Ow.
I need a boy. Not a relationship, just a fun boy to have a "thing" with. Nothing deep and meaningful, cuz I don't think I really need that right now. I don't want anything interfering with my decision of where to end up when I'm done with school. I've let than influence me before, and I don't care to do it again. But, I just miss having someone to snuggle with and kiss & hug. Ya know?! Someone just needs to appear out of thin air. "Poof- here's your boy with no stirings attached!" :-P Wouldn't that be nice. As Katherine puts it "I want to fall in love", to remember that feeling. I do want that, especially in light of so many people recently getting engaged or planning weddings, but I don't think I can yet allow myself to do that again. I think I need to have something silly and short term first. Cuz everyonce in a while, it still hurts. Not wanting David back, but missing that amazing feeling of how things were a long time ago. And how everything seemed perfect because you had someone that was so enamored with you. I have no romantic feelings left towards him, but I'm wondering if talking to him and seeing him is making me think like this, or it's just something that will always pop up randomly. Or maybe it's the fact that he's falling right back in with his girlfriend from HS, that he has decided is the best thing since sliced bread and that he was the dumbest person ever to let her go. I guess perhaps that's pissing me off, because he treats me like shit and then turns around and gets exactly what he wants. It's not quite fair, is it? It seems like I should be the one getting exactly what I want, since he was the ass. But then, I realize that I wanted things to end too, it's just easier to blame him beacuse he forced the issue. I think maybe thinking about going back to TN has got me thinking all this too; remembering this time last year- going to David's new house, spending a few days secluded there before classes started. I imagine each "milestone" until next summer will remind me of things and re-open some of the hurt. blargh.
And, speaking of boys. Not another peep from Justin. I spose I could email him or something, but I just don't care about it that much while I'm home. I don't think I will that much once I'm back in TN either, until I happen to hang out with him & Mike & Robin. And even then, I'm just going to act aloof, let him come to me if that's what he wants.
And, on that note, I have to leave to go pick up Alice to go romp around the mall and other fun places in W-S.
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