Is this normal?

So, I don't know what my deal is lately.. there have been several times recently that all of a sudden, out of the blue, a rush of saddness comes over me, and I feel like it's 6 months ago all over again, and I just want to cry and ask "why?! what happened?!" I am guessing this is normal, given the major event that has taken place: David getting back together with whats-her-face. But, I sometimes wonder if he's trying to rub it in my face with his away messages and AIM profiles and stuff. And, it seems like ever since all this fell into place, he talks to me less. I mean, he gripes/whines whatever to me while all this crap is going on before they get together, and then doesn't even tell me when they officially do. !? And I don't know if that's me being a jealous friend only, at getting the shaft cuz he's so giddy in love, or something else. As I continue to examine all this, I still have no romantic feelings towards him, and I certainly don't want to get back together, that's the LAST thing I want. But, I read the silly, childish away messages that they leave each other, and I'm like "Hey, he never did that when we were dating, did he? He never went out of his way to come spend a day with me? He wasn't this sentimental and romantic for us? Should that have been a sign, is that a sign?" I guess this is the shocker that happens with all ended/failed relationships; when you first find out that the ex is happily in love with someone else. But, it just makes me wonder what he thinks about when he thinks of the 2 years we were together, if he thinks everything in the world is perfect now that he's got her back. Did he really have those feelings for me at all, or has he just forgotten them now? And, what also bugs me is that he's said on many occasions "You 2 are so much alike it's uncanny". Well, what's she got that's so much better that you had to torture yourself for 4 months trying to get her back?! And, if you supposedly did the same thing for me 2+ years ago, why did all that change?! I don't know what's going on.... I KNOW there is no way I could ever want to be with him again; his maturity level, his place in life/growing up, his job- he's never happy, never will be happy. He's always going to be complaining about work, but never will do anything about it- and that's what soured me before, always hearing about that. whine whine whine. And, he tells me that she matured so much from the time he "couldn't stand her!", but I see their silly messages and think "oh, that's so mature, that's an adult relationship, sure" But at the same time, I'm like "well shit, what did I do that was so awful that he "fell out of love with me". Ugh. Now as I'm writing this I see how silly it is, but it's just random emotional outbursts of saddness. I seriously wonder if I should cease all contact for a while, if I hope to remain friends. But then again, would he even care. He's got her now, why does he even need me as a friend. Until they have problems and he comes running for advice. Altho, I will give him this much. yesterday I had up my :-/ face away message, cuz I was feeling blah and poopey, and he IMed me a whole bunch wanting to know what was wrong, what was going on, that is so not a Nicole face. Then, when I didn't answer him, he called. So, I guess he does care as a friend, but I don't know how much of a friend I can be if he's always talking about her, or blowing me off to spend time with her, or if I have to see them together. Ugh, it's a mess, and I don't know if I even made sense with all of this. It just keeps creeping into my thoughts and I don't really know why. I am happy where I am right now, and while I miss certain parts of a relationship, I don't really want one right now. Blargh. All this, and I miss home already. I think that's my answer... I need to move back closer to home. I wish katherine were moving to Charlotte, that was going to be so cool. Charlotte by myself would be fun too.. but not nearly as much.

ANyway, I'm going to post this and read thru it and see how totally confusing and rambly it is. Then I'm going to go to the gym and work out some of this frustration and icky-ness.