Almost 1 month later

So, this Sunday will be a month since Onex left me. It still hurts just as bad, especially reading over my post & remembering that night. I still wish for just one more hug or stinky breath lick from her. And still sometimes look for her when I come in the door from work. She always knew when I was home, somehow, and was waiting with her nose right at the door.

For a while, I didn't know if I'd ever feel like myself again. It's no shock to me, but I know some people don't get the connection people have with their pets. It is really like I've lost a child. Just thinking about her from time to time will make me tear up and have to take a minute to get myself back together. My supervisor was talking about her dog's upcoming battle with tongue cancer, and I started crying right on the spot. I still don't really feel like what you'd consider the "normal Nicole". Yeah, I'm laughing and joking more, and I've gotten back into going to the gym & doing my regular stuff, but a big chunk of me is still sad & feels like I am missing something huge. And I don't really know how to get over it. I know grief is a process, and I just have to go through it. I also know that Onex was 16 years old and it was passed time for her to move on & be out of pain. But she's been through EVERYTHING with me, and was so much a part of my every day life that it's just sooo hard to get used to her tiny presence not being here. Making the garden did help, and I sometimes go out there and talk to her or spend time remembering little Onex stories. It's just hard. I want my dog back. Then I feel bad too because I still have 2 fabulously healthy dogs, but neither they nor any other new dog I might ever get, will fill Onex's place.

One day at a time, one itty bitty bit less pain with each day, I spose.


On a happier note.. I went to a new diabetes doc yesterday, and LOVE HER! I think I was more excited about the fact that I waited less than 10 mins in the waiting room & like 2 mins in the actual exam room. And, she spent like 45 mins with me talking over stuff, getting a good history, etc. This, after finally getting fed up with Baptist Hospital's RIDICULOUSNESS. Last time I went there, I got to my appt 30 mins early, had to wait 45 mins to CHECK IN, then 20-30 more minutes before I saw the doc for all of 10 mins, and then had to wait another 30 mins to check out!! Plus wait at the lab. I think I was there for 3 hours for a 10 min appt. So ineffecient. So, I fired them and went to an offshooot of Forsyth Hospital. Fabulous. People were nice, not rushed & actually took time to get info. Next time I'll be meeting with the diabetes educator/nurse practitioner. Nothing earth shattering, but just nice to get in & out and feel like someone had time for me. Maybe this will motivate me to be a little more on top of my stuff & whip myself into shape. I've gotten my average blood sugar score down a good bit over the last year or so.. now I want to get it down another whole percentage point so I'm on target. So, for the next week I have to be extra OCD with my stuff to test out my pump settings and see if they need adjusting. Hopefully that won't invovle any fasting.. but we'll see. That's the part I REALLLLY hate.