Piles
I'm good at making piles. I have piles & piles & piles, on my kitchen counter, table, office floor, bedroom floor, etc. At least my piles are organized. I haven't really tackled my piles since Onex died. Tonight I did. I don't think the piles themselves had much to do with Onex, but I've just been restless and not my usual self, so I haven't wanted to deal with stuff.
I filed all my medical bills/reports, mortgage statements, etc, and tackled the dog binder with all their medical info.. which in turn did mean dealing with stuff relating to Onex. The binder was getting a bit full, so I took out Onex's section and made a new pile, including the cards I got when she died. I cleaned out my junk drawer and took out her pink flexi leash and her winter sweater. I haven't gotten as far as making an Onex box with all her stuff yet, but that's next. I need to print out all the emails you guys sent me too along with some pics from my computer and get that all in a pile to begin a scrapbook.
Looking at the vet records made me cry, just noticing the huge stack compared to Melody & Indigo's, representing the whole 16 years I had her. Moving her leash out of a usable place made me remember all the way back to when she was a puppy and we got the leash. That was back when flexi leashes were the new thing!! =) Which also made me think of Freckles, because she had the same old school model, only in green.
I miss Onex so much. As I was sitting on the floor of my office, surrounded by various piles of papers (to file, to recycle, to shred), I looked over and saw my fuzzy black slipper by the chair legs and thought it was Onex and almost started talking to her. She always sat in my office with me, right between the chair legs, just sleeping in the same room as me while I worked and organized. The last few days I've looked quick at Indigo and thought she was Onex. Maybe it's because it's a holiday weekend, and that's when she died. Or maybe it's just another wave of sadness. It's not as bad as it was a month ago, which is good. But I still feel a big void.
I filed all my medical bills/reports, mortgage statements, etc, and tackled the dog binder with all their medical info.. which in turn did mean dealing with stuff relating to Onex. The binder was getting a bit full, so I took out Onex's section and made a new pile, including the cards I got when she died. I cleaned out my junk drawer and took out her pink flexi leash and her winter sweater. I haven't gotten as far as making an Onex box with all her stuff yet, but that's next. I need to print out all the emails you guys sent me too along with some pics from my computer and get that all in a pile to begin a scrapbook.
Looking at the vet records made me cry, just noticing the huge stack compared to Melody & Indigo's, representing the whole 16 years I had her. Moving her leash out of a usable place made me remember all the way back to when she was a puppy and we got the leash. That was back when flexi leashes were the new thing!! =) Which also made me think of Freckles, because she had the same old school model, only in green.
I miss Onex so much. As I was sitting on the floor of my office, surrounded by various piles of papers (to file, to recycle, to shred), I looked over and saw my fuzzy black slipper by the chair legs and thought it was Onex and almost started talking to her. She always sat in my office with me, right between the chair legs, just sleeping in the same room as me while I worked and organized. The last few days I've looked quick at Indigo and thought she was Onex. Maybe it's because it's a holiday weekend, and that's when she died. Or maybe it's just another wave of sadness. It's not as bad as it was a month ago, which is good. But I still feel a big void.
2 Comments:
At 1:29 PM ,
Lauren said...
Aww, Nicole, my heart just breaks for you reading this. It is a long process of healing, and just takes time I guess. A scrapbook is a great idea though - hopefully that will be as healing as the garden is/was. Much love to ya!
At 9:38 PM ,
erica said...
Oh, hugs to you. What a difficult thing to go through, and your post is a reminder that loss still hurts as time passes. I'm glad you can save all of those things in a box... that will be a nice thing to sift through in the coming years as you remember your awesome little dog. =)
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